The more we care about each other, the more vulnerable we are to shame. Intentionally or unintentionally, we poke each other in the tender spots. In this workshop we will explore the blame/shame game people in relationships can fall into and learn how to help them stop shaming each other and work together to create a secure base and heal the wounds of the past.

Open to helping professionals alone or with their partner

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Shame is perhaps the most painful of all emotions. It is at the root of both the inner critic and perfectionism. It binds with other emotions, such as anger and fear, so that is often hard to detect. Also, revealing shame can be in itself shameful. For many clients who don’t get better in therapy, shame — unacknowledged and not worked through — is the primary factor.

2 Saturdays

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This in-depth workshop for advanced Healing Shame students provides a chance to practice specific techniques for working with shame so that you can be even more precise and effective in helping clients gently feel into and integrate their shame. You will gain practical experience in attuning more fully to your clients and developing and keeping a safe container so that shame can be explored delicately, without overwhelming yourself or the client.

4 Fridays, 10am–1:30pm Pacific Time

Prerequisite: Two previous Healing Shame workshops with us.

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We all go through it. No one is immune. And nothing produces more universal shame in our society than aging. And it starts when we have barely begun to enjoy our adulthood. By mid-thirties, we are already beginning to experience the changes. Whereas many societies have deep respect for people as they age and see a vital role for elders, our society still worships youth. In this workshop, we will learn how to be more comfortable with our own aging process, and we will look at ways to help clients talk about, explore and heal their own shame around aging.

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Though we may develop adult bodies and think our childhood is long behind us, somewhere inside the child is still alive, deeply influencing our thoughts, words and actions. In this workshop, we will teach you how to help your clients reestablish a healthy relationship with their inner child—so that they can both listen and talk to that sensitive, creative and essential part of us.

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In many studies of the effectiveness of therapy, a strong connection between therapist and client has been noted as the clearest predictor of success. And yet our own fear and shame of doing the wrong thing can get in the way of that connection. In this workshop, you will discover powerful tools to connect with a client quickly and deeply. We will provide demonstrations to help you decide when to hold back and when to bring yourself forward, both emotionally and physically, and we will examine ways to level the playing field that shame distorts—and combine the seemingly contradictory roles of caring friend and trusted expert.

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While no one has an easy time with shame, and many societies don’t really want to acknowledge it, for many men it can be especially hard. Men often don't even realize that they feel shame. This workshop will help you discover and address the invisible shame in many men. You will learn how to countershame them and invite them to join you rather than fight you when shame is activated in the session.

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Whereas many societies have deep respect for people as they age and see a vital role for elders, our society still worships youth. What are we to do as we face the natural progression of losing muscle tone, hair, short term memory and many other physical and mental functions in a society that sees us as lacking if we’re not forever young? Shame is the feeling that “something is wrong with me.” How can we not feel that something is wrong with us as we undergo all these losses in the face of an indifferent and shaming society?

Every emotion has an action tendency. The action tendency of shame is to hide, vanish, disappear. Shame is designed to keep us safe by binding with the other primary emotions, lower their intensity, and keep them from completing in an action, such as grieving, reaching out, or setting a boundary. When shame binds with anger, fear, joy, curiosity, or grief, those emotions cannot finish. We get caught in a maze of feelings, with no end. When someone simply can’t get angry, or can’t finish grieving a loss, or can’t feel joyful, or can’t move forward in life, we know that shame is involved, binding with the other primary emotions in a toxic, endless stew of feelings.